Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
