you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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