Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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