did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
