Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
