just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
