is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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