YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
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