i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
