well I can't set my house on fire every night
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
