On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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