She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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