that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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