but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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