idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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