you have to choose: penises or morals?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
