i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
