Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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