He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
