I smell stomach acid.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
