why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
