Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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