If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
