bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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