just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
