Well apparently he's into motor boating.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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