I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
