i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
