i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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