the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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