Just cropdusted the office
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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