Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
