god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
