suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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