What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
