I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
