maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
