nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
