It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
