So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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