We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
