So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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