Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
