That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
