Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
