I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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