how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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