I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
