On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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