i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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