Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
