I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
