Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
