He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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