Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Randomize
