What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
