When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Randomize
