if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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