You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
