Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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