So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
