I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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