if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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