the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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