I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
