Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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