so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
