so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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